


Considerations

by LetsLeaveItAtThat



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Very wordy, some thoughts of mine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:28:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23034004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetsLeaveItAtThat/pseuds/LetsLeaveItAtThat
Summary: This is a piece of my soul.My internal struggles placed perhaps a bit haphazardly into words and onto this website.I hope you enjoy.





	Considerations

**Author's Note:**

> Read the summary it speaks the truth.

It is all well and good to become enthralled in the external, to become wrapped in endless metaphors and rapt with the intricacies of existence. However there is consequence in all things. Upon occasion I look into the mirror and wonder who it is I am seeing, in my mind I am very different than what my flesh makes me out to be. Each curve and line a consequence of existing, not unpleasant but still not entirely what I understand myself to be. I am not my flesh, it is simply where I reside. 

It is an unfortunate happenstance that I am also quite thoroughly trapped inside my own mind. This is not to say it is all that bad within my head but simply not enough.

If I have lost myself within these tangents and metaphors please forgive me. What I simply mean to say is that I am not of myself enough to understand my own interests or ambitions outside of knowing that they should exist. As well I find myself so stuck nothin my own head as to not be entirely aware of my surroundings. Such a strange dichotomy as this has driven me to live moment to moment. Upon occasion I feel I am never striving towards something, simply meandering about in a solely reactionary state. A bundle of coping mechanisms stacked up in a trench coat shambling about in the rough approximation of a person.

Also I have wondered if perhaps I am depressed. I have attended no professional meeting and am no professional myself so I have no way of being certain at this point in time. However the facts remain; I spend most of my time exhausted for no discernible reason, I find myself unmotivated towards much of anything most of the time and I am prone to over indulging myself in rather destructive behaviours. At times I battle with myself over whether this is depression or perhaps simply sloth, nevertheless upon occasion I feel as if I am not very good at being human, as if everyone else is tuned in to who they are and what that means while I am set adrift.  
And on occasion none of this is the case. I find this most concerning, as if in experiencing fleeting moments of normality all else becomes a farce, a ruse, a cruel trick on myself or worse yet a form of pretend I don’t even know I am indulging in. Of course I know that this is malarkey and rather self destructive to boot, yet still I can’t help but wonder.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. <3


End file.
